The disadvantages of online shopping

It’s beautiful, and it goes with my eyes (it’s my best feature, by which I mean “it’s my only good feature”).

It also fits me weirdly, like it was designed to be worn by a hanger instead of a real human with shoulders. Plus, it’s a bit thinner than the paper you’re holding. If you’re reading this online, it’s about as thick as the text on your screen.

It’s a cool shirt. I’m not cool. I’m wearing a tie as I write this, and khaki pants. I don’t even have to wear a tie; I wear them because I think men should wear ties if they want to be taken seriously as a professional, or even as a journalist.

Besides, nice people need us. There must be a contrast. Cool people couldn’t be cool if there was nothing to compare them to.

People also read…

  • BenFred: ESPN’s Max Kellerman swings and misses Albert Pujols takedown attempt
  • ‘It’s okay,’ Post Malone says after falling on stage at Enterprise Center show
  • ‘Sweetie Pie’ star Tim Norman guilty of all charges in murder-for-hire trial
  • A Curve, a Memory, Cherry Coke: How Cardinals Wainwright and Molina Made History
  • Archdiocese of St. Louis releases parish financial data as closures loom
  • With homer No. 697, Pujols wins another game for the Cardinals and expands his legacy
  • Plenty to expect as Cardinals open key series with Brewers
  • Police and family have different stories about how officers shot and killed a teenager in St. Louis
  • Closer Ryan Helsley sizzles through the known “immaculate” third inning in Cardinals history
  • Hochman: Cardinals’ Albert Pujols hits hitting Mount Rushmore at home
  • Cardinals Diary: Adam Wainwright Says Missing 200 Wins Mark Isn’t That Bad
  • Eric Schmitt says he’s from Bridgeton, not “billions”. Bridgetonians weigh in.
  • Hochman: As Albert Pujols nears 700 home runs, a story of his kindness and the Musials
  • Cardinals notebook: To follow the story, MLB will use baseballs marked for the 700th home run in Pujols
  • ESPN’s Greg McElroy calls Mizzou football players ‘failures’ and expects ‘dismal season’

The night would be nothing if there were no day.

But the shirt I bought is a cool shirt from a cool company. I don’t know how I know it, but I know it. Maybe it’s cool because they sell clothes that look wonderful but I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing them.

I bought it anyway. It looked gorgeous – and cool – in the catalog.

I bought it even though I hadn’t had the opportunity to try it. I also hadn’t had a chance to see it or, ultimately, to practically see through it. How can I? I’m in St. Louis and the company that sells it is in California.

But that’s the problem when you buy online. This is the risk you take.

I fully realize that I am an old man crying out to the clouds. I’m an old man screaming at the clouds in my khaki and tie, and I’m not even that old. I know that life has passed me by.

I know all the cool kids buy everything online.

Let them buy cool shirts that match their eyes but fit badly on their bodies.

They buy jackets with uneven seams.

Let them buy shoes that almost fit them.

Let them buy flimsy pants and socks so thin they already have holes in their heels.

Anyone who lives from online shopping dies from online shopping. People buy things without seeing them, without taking them in their hands and without holding them. Without even trying them.

When I buy a book, I have to hold it in my hands first, just to get the tactile sense of it. I leaf through the pages to see how they feel. These days, I’m sorry to say, I check the print to make sure it’s not too small for my aging eyes.

But most importantly, I turn to a few random pages and read a few lines. I want to know if it interests me, if the style in which it is written is likely to engage me. A few lines are enough, but that’s a few more lines than you usually get when buying a book online.

I say. Amazon sometimes allows you to view multiple pages. I ignore it for now.

Online shopping fans say that if they get something they don’t like, they just return it. But it’s surely inefficient, massively inefficient.

And the company I bought my weird shirt from charges $7.95 for returns. So you’re paying eight dollars for the privilege of buying something you don’t like after you haven’t seen it in person.

So I keep the shirt. He looks gorgeous.

When I wear it, I’ll proudly slip it into my pants. Because that’s how I roll.

#disadvantages #online #shopping

Add Comment

%d bloggers like this: